Monday, March 31, 2014

Wisdom Comes with Age



“Childhood is a short season.”
      -Helen Hayes
           
I love getting to know people. Not just their name and favorite color, but I love getting to know all aspects of them. One of my favorite questions to ask is “what is something weird you believed as a child?” The responses I receive are so strange, yet so revealing to who they are as a person.

            When I was a child, I believed many a strange thing.

I thought, for one, that dumb-waiters were actually elevators for tiny people that lived on different levels within the walls.

            I thought that my dog was my late grandpa reincarnated, so I would speak to him and tell him everything.

I thought the wind would guide me to make decisions. I would stand outside and listen. I would walk in the direction of the wind until I got bored.

             I thought that if I slept in my empty bathtub, I would become a mermaid. I did this quite often. I would bring my pillow, a blanket and assorted stuffed animals. I always wore a nightshirt so that was my tail could grow as I slept. We had a large shell my parents used for decoration on my bathroom shelves. I would climb the shelves and bring the shell down and sleep with it. I thought that if I were a mermaid, I would need a conch shell to summon the others to come get me. It made sense at the time.

I thought that there was a Native American burial ground beneath our back field, so my sister and I would go out in the morning with shovels and dig until evening. Everything we found somehow became evidence of our suspicions. If you dig deep enough, you get to a clay-type of soil, so we thought we were finding smooshed pottery from the tribe we were trying so desperately to find.

            Once, we had a muskrat trapped in our window well. My older sister and I danced around in our best dresses in front of the window to Brittney Spears and Hillary Duff music. The muskrat would go absolutely crazy and tear our screen to shreds. We took this to mean he liked our dancing and singing. We subsequently created a band called ‘Dolls in the Attic’ because of our success in the animal kingdom. It never really took off.

            My dad would take care of the waterfall in front of our neighborhood. There was a small door in the back of the ‘rock’ structure where the pumps were stored. I always thought there was a small man that lived inside of there who continually pumped the water. I thought my dad would never let me in there because the little man was naked. I would always look away when my dad opened the door out of respect. 

            I thought for certain that rabbit feet were lucky. I once found a rabbit foot in our backyard from an unlucky coyote encounter. I picked it up and carried it to my parents. The nasty thing was bloody and had the bone protruding from it. I still thought it was lucky. Forget the black plague and rabies, right? My parents were mad at me for doing this and I couldn’t understand why.

I once convinced my older sister that I was the tooth fairy, and she believed me for the longest time. She once told me “I’m the sandman,” and I called her out on it. “The Sandman has to be a man, duh.” I then told her I was the tooth fairy. She told me to prove it. I said if she would quiz me, she’d know the truth.  She asked ”Did mom ever set up a camera to try and catch you?” I totally guessed and said “no”. I was right, and she believed me. I had the poor thing under my thumb. #payback #sorrynotsorry 

Til next time.
-B

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Baby Brynne was a Weirdo


“If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older.” – Tom Stoppard

         Surprise! I was once a child! This is a big deal – I know. But what you may not know, (but may have suspected,) is that I was a peculiar child. Strange really does not even begin to describe how I was. Super different. Super odd. Super Brynne.

         It’s not like I looked like a weird kid. I mean, sure, I went through my phases. For YEARS I would only wear belts and jeans purchased in the boy’s section. I guess I was still stuck in the ‘90s when it came to fashion. You know, the whole tomboy wearing a newsboy cap look.  I was always runway ready.

         Speaking of clothing, I remember my first day of first grade. I was wearing a white shirt with a small lace border. We got to school and my mom and I were wandering around the blacktop in the schoolyard looking for my would-be teacher, Ms. Stromquist. My mom, having the keen eye of a mother, realized that my shirt was on inside out. This is what happens when you allow a 6-year old to dress herself. Well, not all 6-year olds. Just me, I believe. She tells me we have to fix it, but we don’t have time to go back home or to the parking lot before school began. We head to an alcove where she tried to persuade me to fix my shirt there.

Being 6, I had some sort of dignity. Most of it came to Pokémon and knowing when to trade and when I was being duped, but I also had some street smarts here and there. I knew this situation was not really in my best interest, but I was between a rock and a hard place. Do I flash the world or commit a serious fashion faux pas?

         I chose to flash the world. OH, COME ON. IT’S NOT LIKE YOU HAVEN’T DONE IT. So, embarrassing baby Brynne story #1. Congrats. Now you know more about me than you had hoped to.

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         On to the next embarrassing story, I had a cat - Simba. He was a big old fluffy thing given to us from my great-grandmother, Lily Louise, (isn’t that the most beautiful name? I’ll share more stories regarding her later.) He was also my best friend. We played, we cuddled, and I took advantage of his above-average size. How? Well, I would ride him down the stairs. Don’t you judge me. You don’t know my life. Simba also used to get in more cat fights than Lindsey Lohan after a hard night of partying.  It got to the point where he had to have his side shaved and tubes pumping antibiotics in while pumping nasty cat juices out. I bet you already know what I am about to admit to…

         I pulled out the tubes. I allowed those nasty cat juices to escape from the tubes and escape into the outside world. I am so sorry for my actions.

I’m sufficiently embarrassed. I’ll just post some other hopefully redeeming stuff later… You know how it is.

-B