Disneyland is Not the Happiest Place on Earth

A for effort. F for execution.

     I love the idea of Disneyland, but every time I go there, bad things happen. Here’s a quick list of all those things.

1, A national tragedy

        We were on a family vacation to Disneyland at the time of September 11^th, 2001. We were in the Grand California hotel on that day, and the next day, we were the only family in the park.
      Conclusion: not a happy place.

2. My grandpa PASSED AWAY.

                     Six days after 9/11, we were gathered in a hospital room as our grandpa was being pulled off of life support. I developed an acute dislike for Disneyland due to this single occurrence. Not even the self-proclaimed happiest place on earth can prepare a six year old to lose their hero. 

Conclusion: not a happy place.

3. My brother and sister contract a deadly virus.

                My brother, Brock, was two at the time and ended up in ICU for five days. My sister just had a stint in the ER. They both had Rota Virus, which caused my little brother’s digestive muscles to stop working. The poor boy cried for pancakes all day long. But, darn, he was a cute kid.
        conclusion: not a happy place.
4. I develop the first of my myriad of autoimmune disorders.

                     “Just a head cold,” they said. “It will go away,” they said. It didn’t. I now have the body of an 80-year old woman because of Disneyland. Just kidding. I likely had some sort of genetic predisposition or something of the like, but Disneyland was where it all went down.
             conclusion: not a happy place

5. My dog died.
                        He was fine when we left, and died a few days after we came back. Thanks, Mickey Mouse. You killed my dog, you pesky rodent.

           Conclusion: not a happy place

6. I lost a show choir competition
                 We placed seventh… out of seven. I actually can’t blame Disneyland for this one – just my bad coordination and the poorly choreographed dances.
               conclusion: maybe I judged a little too harshly.

Update: I actually like Disneyland now – especially new Orleans square. That place is my jam. Oh, and I really like jungle cruise, even though I consistently smack my head when getting on the boats. I’ve probably given myself dain bramage or something of the like on those ‘boats but not really boats’.

Literally nothing bad happened on this visit. I was paranoid the entire time we were there, though. 

Fool me once, Disneyland, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

-B