The Curse of No Makeup

“There are no ugly women, only lazy ones” 

                 ― Helena Rubenstein

               Today was a minimal effort day. I woke up late, wore a sweatshirt, and only put on mascara. Oh, and I threw my hair in a bun. I looked like a dream. I learned today that ten less-than-stellar things happen to me on days where I don't even try. 

1. I run into everyone I know and they all recognize me. This wouldn't be too bad, had they not all been attractive men. On these days, I hope my golden personality will shine through and make up for the train wreck that is my face. But I've been sick for a couple of days, so that was massively unsuccessful.

2. I get locked out of my apartment. I normally always have my keys on me, but today I forgot. I knocked on the door and rang the doorbell since my roommate was home, but she was asleep. Eventually, the manager let me in, but she did not seem pleased, but bless her soul for taking pity on me.

3. I can't put my words in proper order. I have issues doing this on a regular day, too, but today was especially awful. I spent some time on the phone with the greatest gal I have ever met, the one, the only, Jenny O'Neill, and I tried expressing to her my strange dating problems, but literally nothing came out the way I wanted it to. Had she not been used to hearing me speak gibberish, I highly doubt we would still be friends. 

4. I try to be nice and fail horribly. I smile at everyone I see, and I compliment them if there is something I admire. Some lovely lady on campus had excellent shoes she was wearing. I thought I was telling her "I love your boots!" But in reality, I said "I love your boobs!" Well, then. Unable to recover from that situation, I blushed, pointed at her feet and left. That girl threw some serious shade my way. I deserved it, though.

5. I fell up the stairs AGAIN. Just read "Stairs are Harder Than College", and you'll know what I mean. 

6. I nearly kissed a stranger. I was exiting the Taylor building, and as I went to open the door, some young man who was texting walked through and we almost had a moment. #loveatfirstsight 

Just kidding. We nearly smashed faces and I would have cried if we did. 

7. I got bored baking one batch of cookies, so I ended up making three. My meringue cookies were too flat, my chocolate snickerdoodles were too dense, but my brownie cookies were just right. Chocolate can heal a crappy day. I've been relying on chocolate to get me through.

8. I get completely and utterly lost in German. I missed my German class yesterday since I was sick. Normally, we learn nothing in that class. We go home, and do the homework before we even know what we're supposed to be doing and we review the next day. WELL, YESTERDAY THEY LEARNED SOMETHING NEW AND I WASN'T THERE. I sat there with this face all class period. Needless to say, I do not have a date this weekend. Take note, boys. This gal is single and ready to mingle.

9. I became so overwhelmed when a Phil Collins' song from Tarzan started playing in class that I cried. I love Phil Collins, and I don't feel the need to justify my actions. SO SUE ME. BIG DEAL.

10. I did my "Ru Paul" sassafrass sashay across the crosswalk. Because some days are too hard to handle without it. I actually don't see this one as a problem. I've always been mildly fabulous.

-B